‘Tis the night before Christmas and all through house
Not a creature is stirring ‘cuz everyone’s soused
Her stockings are thrown on the floor, over there
And he’s curled up snoring in his favorite chair
They both are so wasted that they do not hear
The landing of the sleigh and all those reindeer
Santa gets stuck in the trailer’s swamp cooler
‘Til Rudolph lubes him up (he is quite the drooler!)
Some of the reindeer crapped on the roof
And one even managed to crap on his hoof
Then the silent alarm brings police to the door
And they grab Santa up Just as he hits the floor
Animal control took the reindeer away
While a tow truck came and impounded the sleigh
Santa was jailed until the next morning
When in true Christmas spirit, he was let off with a warning
We would be assigned arithmetic homework
In the evening I would watch TV or
Shoot my B B gun or
Ride my bike instead
The next morning
Mrs. Wressler would say to the class at ten-thirty:
Anybody who did not do their homework
Can stay in for recess and get it done
Out I would go
To play softball with the boys
Too guilt ridden to enjoy it much
Running out to recess with your homework not done?
Mrs. Wressler would gasp, later on
As the whole class recoiled in horror
What will your parents say?
They would be disappointed and heartbroken of course
I’d be punished and would buckle down
For a while
But pretty soon, I’d be back out there
On the playground again
Half a century later
I can still be discovered
Running out to recess
Less guilty by only the
Palest of shades
© 2010 Gair Linhart